Tuesday, May 8, 2012

To whom it may concern: My First and Only Love

Erykah Badu - I Want You

Eros, primordial Greek God...he had no parents.  He came into existence after only Chaos, then Gaia.

We, come from nothing, born into nothing from no thing.  We just are.  WE are right here, right now, everything right.  There aren't words adequate to explain because we were before any utterance of any sound that ever was. 

I can't and won't try to figure this out.  I will not run from this any longer.  Fear has taken the last of me.

Love is like, all consuming and almost too big sometimes.  As spirit beings in this human experience, trapped in this decaying flesh....we fall short of our own glory.  We allow our fire to be put out with this "dust" that is our Earthly body and we fail to see ourselves and we fail to see each other, forgetting that it is our light that illuminates one anothers' path.

I've written songs and lyrics about my love, thinking I was in love, and wanting to be in love.  I was remembering something not yet realized on this plane, but very briefly visited in my younger years.  Every time I thought I was in love, there were some faint remnants of that first love.  There was some very small thing that I hoped reminded me of what I wanted to have with you.

I honestly had just given up.  I was no where near love, I just wanted to get off the treadmill, or the merry go 'round.  I just wanted to stop. Every relationship I prayed was the last.  I tried to make things what they weren't, knowing deep inside that what I felt may have been a lot of amazing things, but never....never anything close to what I knew in those awkward moments so long ago.

I've been so, so sad and scared most of my adult life.  A broken heart can change everything that you thought was.  Lost love turns everything grey. I forgot so much of who I was.  I stopped caring because nothing mattered. I was destroying myself.

Then I began tearing down walls I had built up.  I began to recreate myself in my own image! I didn't want to be what anyone else wanted me to be.  What a miracle. I found myself and began to shine...and then, and ONLY then could you see me again.  What joy.

Now I know one thing...I want you.

I feel like I'm free falling and sure footed at the same time. 

Scary and thrilling...we come from nothing 

Now, we get to share this beautiful thing. 

You wake my Kundalini
And then like 1,2,3 
Something has come over me
Come over me
    Lyrics by me 


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